The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
It astonishes me how terrified Western culture is of strong emotions. Even little children are aware of this and use it to their advantage. Note, the next time you see a child throwing a temper tantrum near the impulse buys of any major store and the panicked, pissed off, or apologetic reaction of their adult in charge.
As an educator I’ve noticed that most bullying is directed toward students who have intense feelings and are unable to hide their reactions. And, it bothers me that the general rule of thumb in advising these victims, is to blame them for their vulnerability. As if authenticity were a weakness. As if this were a lesson they should have learned and embodied when they were in preschool. Because the sad truth is that most of us have learned and embodied the lesson that we need to conceal or tamp down our feelings in preschool. Not channel them. Not hold them. But bury or swallow or mask them into something the general public can tolerate.
Fierce vulnerability is alluring. To be emotionally open and available is also to be in a permanent state of rebellion. Well, anger is acceptable. But only if you are white and male. The only place where strong emotions are tolerated in our society is in the field of sports. And then, only if you or your team wins.
Mind you, I am not only referring to the challenging emotions. Show a bit too much bliss and you open yourself to ridicule as well. Normalcy, particularly in the USA, is a state of neutrality to the point of indifference.
A dear friend with an impassioned nature was told over and over again as a child to “Tone it down!” Her immense joy was as intolerable to her family and community as her profound sadness, righteous rage, or deep empathy. Phrases like, “Suck it up, buttercup,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about,” were frequently hurled at her. She became, in her adult youth, a fathomless well of projection to all who entered her orbit, glorified and vilified in turn for her emotional truth.
It so happens that she was also a spiritual seeker. She left her Catholic upbringing and studied Eastern religion with the misguided notion that meditation would fix her intensity issues. Meditation and constant striving would provide her with the illusive off switch that would make her more palatable. Worthy. This, of course, backfired. Spectacularly. And thank goodness!
This woman, and all the strong women in my life that I so admire, are grounded in their boundless openness. They trust in their thrashing about. They are able to let the storms roll and let them pass. They do not bow to the tyranny of positive thinking. They are enlightened but also endarkened. Balanced. Brave. Holding gently. Releasing with gratitude.
Lucky Pilgrim 