Note

…to my younger self

Your life will turn out nothing like you planned. Yet it will be grander than you ever imagined. You will love well and be loved better.

It is true that everything your heart desires lies on the other side of fear. Inside that fear is lost power you will reclaim when you face it, beautiful and brave. Make it so.

Don’t give a tiny rat’s behind what anyone else thinks or says about you. It is wasted time and energy on something you cannot control.

I forgive you for everything. Even the stuff you never told anyone but the dark.

Trust your guts! Nurture your instincts. They will save you from some very sketchy situations..

Study Kung Fu instead of learning to smoke. This is a no brainer.

Listen.

The greatest love of your life will come as a total surprise. She will be your best friend and greatest teacher. Yes, that is right, she, not he. You are queer. But then, if you listened to your guts, you knew that.

I know you worry about putting your parents through a spiritual crisis by coming out. Come out anyway. They survive. Loving you for your entire self, activates them to become warriors for peace, justice, and diversity. The pain from which you all emerge transforms into meaningful work, lasting friendships, and the spreading of light to countless other families.

The most profound moments of your life will unfold in solitude.

You are worthy. Don’t overcompensate. Your faults and frailties are no worse than anyone else’s. Do your best to replace the words “I’m sorry…” with “Thank you for…”  wherever and whenever you can remember.

Keep writing. Burn what doesn’t work. Burn what does. It is the process that matters.

Travel.

Whatever worries or expectations you have, let them go. You will live the most ridiculously lucky, rich life full of love and laughter and pleasures and meaningful work and stories and poems and music and good souls. While I am age 51 writing this to you, which probably seems ancient to you, I hope I am only at the midpoint of this existence. But, even if today is our last, we can drop this body, release this awareness, and know we were blessed.